How to Ace Your First Date

1-Dress Appropriately. What you wear depends where you go, but also consider that you can only make one first impression.
2-Think about where to go. I used to think a movie is the wrong place for a first date since it's "getting to know you time." But if you have dinner first, go to a movie, then go some place else for dessert to discuss the film, you won't have to do hours of talking.
3-Avoid too much information. You don't have to tell your entire life story the first time you meet. Save some for later dates.
4-Listen. It's really an art to listen (and hear) well. Ask open ended questions so you won't have to deal with a one word answer. Don't ask "Do you like museums?" better to ask, what do you like to do when you visit the museum?
5-Mind your manners.Don't get drunk. Use please, thank you, and if appropriate, use I'm sorry. Good manners are the confirmation of a good first impression.

Nobody's Perfect--Flip Flop on Annoyances

The best way to deepen your love for each other is to give the one you love a "pass". If they do those little annoying things, just think it's cute. Look for the silver lining rather than the critical view.

Try rationalization games. Try not to think of him as messy, just think how uncomfortable life would be if he was a controlling neat freak and perfectionist.

Don't complain about his shortcomings with your friends. It tends to put you in a negative mindset and he may be suspicious of their "funny looks."

5 Mistakes Women Make Meeting Guys

1- Need change of venue. Go to new places. Break the same place habit. Odds are in your favor.
2- Not friendly or approachable. Network, he may have better looking friends.
3- Don't hang in big groups. A herd makes you unapproachable. Not many men are willing to break into a large group of women and focus on just one. Too much chatter and wagging tongues.
4- Refuses to be set up. Make sure the setter upper knows you and your tastes then go for it.
5- Too uptight. Men can sense desperation. Try to develop a self-confident laid back vibe.

Meet Tons of Women Anytime, Anywhere

You don't have to meet women only in bars, clubs or even on line. You can do it anywhere. That's right. Just follow the 3 simple rules and you can find a great date at Starbucks, bookstores, the Supermarket, gyms, malls, museums or just about anywhere. Just avoid these mistakes most men make:
1-Don't ask permission. Be assertive. Don't ask "Would you like to go see a movie sometime?" Say instead "Let's go see a movie together." Don't be a wimp. Be confident
2-Don't think about becoming a friend first. Let her know that there is a sexual attraction
3-Don't waste lot's of time in bars and clubs. Statistics show that over 90% of women prefer to meet a man away from the loud, drunk, hectic, dark, nightlife. Lot at my list above and concentrate on the basics. Smile approach her calmly and say Hi. The rest is up to you. Be natural, be yourself, don't over compliment her , start a conversation appropriate to the location where you meet. What do you think of that artist? or what's your favorite cut of meat? Natural, normal conversation should flow easily from there and poof..you've got a great date.

Free Dating Success Story for Middle Age Woman

By free I mean this ad was posted on Craigs list under personals and on the free social networking sites.
This lady posted a nice photo of herself and added the following comments:

"I'm fun loving and adventurous. My friends are couples and I have no one to accompany me to functions. Not looking for anything serious. "

She got lots of responses and found the companion of her dreams with this simple yet effective free ad.

More Don't Do's on First Date

1- Badmouth ex..not cool, don't even discuss your ex unless asked directly to do so.
2- No Cell....for accepting calls, making calls or texting. It's very rude.
3- Drink too much. You'll get stupid, sloppy and obnoxious.
4- Not Nice...to wait staff, valets and any one else. Never mess with someone who feeds you.
5- Don't valet. Too cheap? or nobody should touch your "baby."
6- Lobster and Steak? Don't order the most expensive thing(s) on menu unless you're paying.
7- No Nose stuff...No blowing, picking, or picking teeth. Go to bathroom.
8- Don't "Dutch" it... even if she offers, you asked her out, be a gentleman and pay.

5 Secrets to Keep from Your Partner

Truth is usually good, however too much sharing can be questionable. Use a little discretion and don't reveal that:
1- You don't turn me on all the time. Compliment what you like and ignore what you hate.
2- I flirt with other people at work..almost half of the men and women I know lust after a co-worker. If you must confess attraction to others talk about celebrities not people you work with or both know.
3- I can't stand your friends. Try hard to keep it to yourself. Cutting out his friends is usually a deal breaker.
4- I still think about my ex. Keep your past in your past. Nothing good can come from it.
5- Don't say "I can't live without you" frequently. It will make your partner feel trapped and they'll want to escape.

Unique Ideas for a First Date

The whole idea for a first date is a song from that fabulous Broadway classic "The King and I". It's called "getting to know you." So try to be different. Anybody can decide to go to a restaurant. If it's a quiet place with romantic lighting it would be a nice place to get to know your date. However if it's crowded, noisy, and not comfortable for effective conversation then think of an alternative.
Is there a carnival in the area? How about miniature golf or bowling? What about a lite dinner followed by a walk in the mall or a local park. You are looking to have fun and a place to talk.
A movie gives you an opportunity to rub shoulders and perhaps even elbows but does that help the getting to know you goal?
So put on your thinking cap, and try to come up with a suggestion that demonstrates your creativity.
Getting to know all about you,
getting to like you,
getting to know you like me.

Dating Services Facing Increasing Competition

Online dating service websites are facing ever increasing pressure from social networking sites.
The surge in popularity of sites such as MySpace and Facebook have drawn some attention from dating websites.

People have a finite amount of leisure time and they're splitting up their time between the social networking sites and dating sites.

The dating sites have this new competition in addition to many new dating sites, but the large one are thriving. Match.com claims to have doubled their revenues for the past year.

A relatively new site called plentyoffish.com debuted in 2003 and has surged to the top spot in the U.S. market.

Serious Secrets to Tell Your Partner

Honesty is the best policy. Good! Now we have that truism out of the way, let's deal with reality.
Here are four things that I think you must discuss with your partner. It will help clear the air if and when they turn up.
1-I've got issues. Here are a few things your partner should be aware of before you take your relationship any further; drug problem, prison record, unknown baggage (marriages, kids), loss of job, significant debt, feelings about religion, political leanings, addictions and medical problems
2-Somebody like me...a lot. Yes, I'm being seriously pursued by a potential crazy person.
3-I want more. Our relationship has gotten boring. I really need you to spend more time with me and romance me the way you did when we first met.
4-Oooooh that feels good. Over 50% of people in a relationship don't discuss what they like in bed. They assume their partner knows but is either not interested or doesn't care. Here's how to solve it..on a long car trip, discuss the situation. There will be no immediate need to perform then and there. Don't let it simmer. If you're unhappy, talk about it.

3 Steps to Make Someone Fall in Love With You

To make someone fall in love with you requires the conscious effort from both partners. There should be an understanding regarding their emotions, behavior, and physical attraction. How to get started:
1- Communicate well. Both parties need to relay their state of mind as well as actions in easily understood conversations. Before romance, you have to listen and hear them first.
2- Understand each other.You have to listen well to truly understand each others interests and needs. You must demonstrate in both words and actions that you will be there for them.
3- Develop physical attraction. True love is a combination of physical, emotional, and mental attraction. So both of you have to work on developing the physical attraction that binds people to each other. Touch , kiss, caress, and be affectionate often. They will learn to trust you when you open yourself to them; show them who you really are and they will open themselves to you.

Dating, Romance, and Relationships

I'm still going on bad dates, when by now i should be in a bed marriage...Laura Kighlinger
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is that in not many job interviews is there a chance you'll wind up naked...Jerry Seinfeld
I went out to dinner with a marine. He looked across the table and he goes, " I could kill you in seven seconds." I go, " I'll just have toast then."...Margaret Smith
How many of you ever stated dating someone because you were too lazy to commit suicide?...Judy Tenuda
I don't get no respect. A girl phoned me and said, "come on over, no body's home." I went over. Nobody was home...Rodney Dangerfield
I have bad luck with women. I was on the phone with a woman I was dating, "I have to go, there is a telemarketer on the other line."

Quotes on Love, Loss and Divorce

Falling out of love is chiefly a matter of forgetting how charming someone is...Iris Murdoch
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with someone else...Mae West
In our family we don't divorce our men--we bury them...Ruth Gordon
Ah yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet...Robin Williams
It was partially my fault that we got divorced. I tended to place my wife under a pedestal...Woody Allen
Love is so short, forgetting is so long...Pablo Neruda
If the Christian Conservatives really want to protect marriage they should propose a constitutional amendment to ban divorce. The murder rate would go up, but the institution of marriage would be strong and healthy...Wanda Sykes
I'm not upset about my divorce. I'm only upset I'm not a widow...Roseanne Barr
My husband and I had a very messy divorce because there was a baby involved. Him. And I didn't want custody...Wendy Liebman

Some Men Who are Wired to Cheat

Forty percent of men have a gene that makes them more likely to cheat, says a new study. All men have a gene that regulates vasopressin, a hormone that helps people form bonds with one another. Swedish researchers have found a variant in the gene which reduces his inclination to bond, and increases the likelihood that he will cheat. These men were less likely to be married and those that were, reported a higher percentage of marital problems. Since 40 % of men have the cheater gene, should women be testing their current and future husbands' DNA?
Some men may overcome the influence of their genes, but only of they make a conscious effort to do so. So ladies, be aware, and hold off starting a joint bank account for few years.

3 Things You Need to Keep a Man

Many articles and books are written about how to attract and KEEP a man. It's simple as 1-2-3.
Here's how:
1- Intellectual Attraction- That old adage of a rich old man looking for a busty blond bimbo to be on his arm to love, honor and obey is pure fantasy and doesn't exist in the real world. The men that I know want a woman with whom they can discuss the news of the day, watch Jeopardy together, discuss politics, and look to as a partner and equal.
2-Emotional Fitness. Physical fitness is important but so is mental health. Most men prefer a woman who is not a whiner, nag, complainer, gossiper, cry-baby, drinker, or drama queen.
3-Wave Length Compatibility. You must be on the same wave length. Although occasionally opposites actually do attract on a few levels, unless you're on the same wave length physically, emotionally, spiritually and morally you're in for a rocky road.

Here's another of the big three for self confidence and success; Peace, Power and Integrity.

Where are those Dates from Hell?

I have a chapter in my book called Dates from Hell. They are submissions from friends and fans who wanted to share their most unique, horrifying, astounding, and weird dates.
It's time to add to the collection. I'm planning a new book aptly named Dates from Hell that will include the best of your submissions. So get your thinking caps on, network with your friends and send me you stories. I'll just need your real name and address plus your e-mail address. I will never reveal who you are, other than signing the story "Amy from Ames, Ia."
The winners get printed in my book and you will get an autographed first edition of the book free of charge.
Thank you.

Beauty Secrets of the Stars

Here is a listing of celebrities and some of their favorite beauty secrets that was compiled from various sources:
Jessica Alba/Hillary Duff-Use a refrigerated spray bottle of mint tea to cool the skin and stimulate blood flow.
Teri Hatcher-Teri pours her leftover red wine into her bath. It is supposed to make the skin surface firm, improve elasticity and stimulate cell multiplication.
Jennifer Jason Leigh- Makes her fine hair look thicker by using dry shampoos.
Sarah Jessica Parker- To correct that shiny feeling when out in public, excuse yourself and visit the ladies room. Use one of those tissue toilet seat covers and dab a piece over your T-zone (chin, nose and forehead). The tissue is a great quickie blotter like one's at the cosmetic counter.
Queen Latifah- Use baking soda as an exfoliant. It's very gentle and works very well.
Jennifer Lopez-Use sun-screen every day and mix honey into masks, facials and moisturizers.
Catherine Zeta-Jones-Bushes her teeth with mashed up strawberries mixed with baking soda. She also keeps her hair shiny by combing Castor oil in it.

Problem Areas Women Display

I know I've been wordy on many of my previous blogs. Let's try for a change of pace. I'm going to list 5 important areas that women have to resolve or else the relationship is vulnerable.
1-Insecure
2-Drama Queen
3-Baggage
4-Needy
5-Not good in bed
Any suggestions? Let's hear from you and you can add to the list.

Don't Worry Be Happy..5 Things to Make You Happy

1-Life is too short to associate with losers. Surround yourself with up, fun, funny, bright, caring, and sensitive people. It's tough to rid yourself of hanger-ons that suck the joy out of your life, but you must make a decision for YOU, not them. Losers drag you down.
2-Don't play the conjecture game. Remove "what if" from your vocabulary.
3-Always strive towards excellence using your talents and potential. Get in the "zone" and enjoy.
4-Allow yourself to be happy. Some people feel down deep that it is wrong to be happy. Whether its religion, culture or family values that have taught us to feel guilty if we're too happy, try to escape from those negative feelings.
5-Schedule your life to do enjoyable things. Make a list and get rid of the "work" things first, then you're free to concentrate on the fun stuff. If you don't get rid of the necessary unpleasant chores you'll be thinking of eventually having to do them and you'll drag yourself down. Romance yourself just as if you were doing it to and for someone you love. Love yourself and concentrate on those things that make you happy.

5 More Ways to Keep Her Happy.

1-Be touchy. Non sexual touching is a super endorsement of another persons soul.
2-Accept her as she is. Be very selective when you try to change her or "fix" her behavior. Once she feels that any corrective criticism is not threatening to her or will end the relationship, she's accept them.
3-She wants you to act like you adore her and are close to her. The closeness will allow her to relax and want to make love to you. Sex will make you feel closer to each other.
4-Pay attention to small household chores you can do to help. It's no big deal to do the laundry or rinse dishes and put them into the dishwasher, put the kids to sleep, help with their homework.
5-Make her feel that you recognize that your relationship is something you cherish and you want her to be your partner for life. Regularly let her know that you want a full, deep, caring, forever relationship. Treat her like a Queen and she will treat you like a King.

5 Ways to Make Her Happy

1-Concentrate on her, focus your attention, claim her, and give her that special sexy look.
2-Laugh at her attempts at humor. Remind her you love her sense of humor.
3-Act tough to defend her honor whether it's with a curt salesperson, neighbor, bill collector, child's teacher, or even her mother....but only when needed. You be the judge.
4-Never say never and always. It so rare when anything is so absolute. Try hard to leave a little wiggle room.
5-Try a little tenderness. "She may be weary, women do get weary wearing the same shabby dress, so if she's weary, try a little tenderness." We are have down times, so when you see she need a shoulder to cry on, an understanding listener, or simply someone to hold her, it will go a long way to solidify your relationship.

It's Promotion Time

This morning I had some publicity photos taken which hopefully will be used as I embark upon the journey of promoting my book "101Ways to Stop Hating Dating." We have distributed close to 100 Press Kits to local and major media announcing the availability of the book at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com.. In addition, the book is available for sale on my website which is
http://www.stophatingdating.com/. The plan is to do some local newspaper and magazine interviews in addition to some radio and TV interviews which hopefully will lead to regional and national exposure.
I know I can help single people who are frustrated with the dating scene and are hating dating.
I'll update future blogs with my progress..see you on "Oprah" and 'The View."

Buddy Hackett Poultry Joke

A video has been going around You Tube which shows the late great Buddy Hackett on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show. He told Carson four of his favorite animal jokes and here for your smiles is my favorite.
A hunter shot a flying pheasant. The bird landed on the roof of a farmhouse and rolled off the roof landing at the front door.The farmer came out and asked the hunter "Who are you?" The hunter said I just shot that bird and I'm here to take it and leave. The farmer replied. No you're not it's my farm house, the bird landed on my roof and now it's on my property, so it's mine. They argued back and forth for a while. Finally the farmer said let's settle this "the farmer way." We take turns kicking each other in the groin until one quits and the other guy keeps the bird. The hunter agrees and the farmer says "spread your legs." The farmer steps back a few steps, gets a running start and kicks the hunter between the legs with enormous force. The hunter screams, falls to the ground writhing in pain for 15 minutes . Finally he gets up and painfully says to the farmer " O.K. now it's my turn, spread YOUR legs " The farmer says "nah, you can have the bird."

How to Treat a Woman.........and a Man

HOW TO TREAT A WOMAN:
Wine her, dine her, hold her, surprise her, compliment her, smile at her, listen to her, laugh with her, cry with her, romance her, encourage her, believe in her, cuddle with her, shop with her, give her jewelry, buy her flowers, hold her hand, write love letters to her, and go to the ends of the earth and back for her.

HOW TO TREAT A MAN:
Show up naked. Bring chicken wings and beer. Don't block the TV.

Olympic Sexfest

Current and former Olympic participants were recently surveyed about socializing in the Olympic villages. One Barcelona participant said "at the 1992 games in Barcelona, it was as much about sex as it was about the sports. Before our event, we tried to get a good nights sleep, but after the event was over and we were eliminated from our respective competitions we lunged at each other like suicidal fencers." Both men and women who perform at the Olympic level typically have higher testosterone levels than the general population.Testosterone not only makes you competitive, it also gives you a raging libido. In the Olympic village hundreds of these excited young people are in close proximity to one another, "clad in Lycra and exposing shiny, toned, rippling, exotic flesh. Don't begrudge these athletes their international hook-ups.
It takes huge discipline to avoid anything but a volcanic release of pent-up hedonism.

Get Your Body in Shape...Take a Pill

Scientists have discovered a natural chemical compound that has such a pronounced effect on muscles that a single dose increases endurance in mice by 44 percent. (So if you're a mouse, you've got it made.) Study leader Ronald Evans tells Science Magazine"We did not expect you could create exercise in a pill."When a compound called AICAR was given to mice in conjunction with an exercise routine, the average endurance of the mice increased by 70 percent.. More astonishing, mice that didn't exercise at all achieved a 44 percent endurance boost overnight.
The researchers have warned the International Olympic Committee to test for the drug, which has been available to medical researchers for years. I'll let you know when it's available for human consumption.

Single Moms Dating Again

If you're a single mom and you have created an Internet dating profile, be upfront and tell the truth.. Why waste your time and the time of men who are not interested in women with kids.
If you meet a man in your daily life, you don't have to reveal it right away. If you do get to go out on a date with him, I believe it's necessary to tell the whole story before you may be asked out on a second date.
It's also a good idea to keep your child out of the picture. However, if you are dating a guy exclusively for at least six months, consider an introduction--but no sleepovers at your house until you've told your child that you have a commitment.
How you describe your relationship with your "friend" to your child (children) depends on their age(s). With young children you can say that the sleepovers are like play dates and they have nothing to do with the time that you share with them and no matter what else, the child is your first priority. Make sure the guy you are seeing understands that as well.

Dating vs. Tennis.. Go with what works

Yes, go with what works, but change what doesn't. I recently heard that Rafael Nadal, the #1 Tennis player in the world has signed a huge contract with Nike. Their marketing people want to come out with a new line of Nadal signature products. The problem is that they want Rafael to change his image. They tried to convince him to get away from the muscle shirts and pedal pusher shorts. I heard that Rafael was set to go with the change for the current U.S. Open, but at the last minute he got cold feet and decided not to change, at least until after the tournament. I guess he figured; "I worked myself up to # 1, so why change a winning formula?" Good thinking!!
Now let's compare it to your dating life. If it is working and you are happy with the quantity and quality of your dates, then I suggest you continue what you're doing. But if you're like most of the people I talk too who are not happy with their dating lives it's time for changes. Here are just a few (include your comments with your suggestions): Get a make-over, new hairstyle, professional make up and re-do your online dating photo AND your profile. When you meet someone new, act friendly, don't brag, make eye contact, smile, look to have fun, go out to new places where people with common interests hang out, and tell your friends and family to keep you in mind thinking of possible dates for you. Change your wardrobe to be more fashionable and "cool", and my final suggestion, don't look at a date as the person you may want to marry...just look to have fun and enjoy yourself..It will take the pressure off and you WILL have fun.

What Caused Her to Leave Him?

Obviously loss of attraction and lessening of chemistry are major causes for breakups. However, if he turns into a couch potato and allows her to make all the important decisions, she'll conclude that she doesn't love or respect the "wimp." So here are the big 4 reasons you may be dumped.
1- Don't be a wuss. She'll lose all respect for you.
2-Don't be boring or predictable. She craves creativity and excitement.
3-Pause before saying or doing what you've always said or done. In Seinfeld, George Costanza , the loser, did the opposite of what he normally did and became successful with women.
4- Try to be creative, adventurous, funny, passionate and romantic. You gotta work at it. Women will sense your lack of interest in them.

5 Biggest Dating Mistakes Men Make

1- Many men try to show off or impress (brag) too much.
2- Men say women talk too much. Why is that? Because men don't listen and women have to repeat themselves. Guys, please pay attention and listen to what she has to say.
3- Many modern men are clueless about good manners. Be chivalrous; open her car door, pick up the tab, say please and thank you, and make sure she get home safely.
4- Act like wussies. Can't make a decision. "I dunno, what ever you want to do is fine with me" Pay attention to her needs and take time to plan an interesting date. Be a good conversationalist.
5- Don't fib. If you say you're going to call ; just do it, or don't say you will. Why keep her thinking there will be another date when you know there won't. After the date , say "I had a nice evening. So nice to have met you." No mention about calling her, she will tell her friends you lied to her and it will damage your reputation. The word does get around.

Diets Don't Work... A Better Way to Lose Weight

I've been successful on almost every popular diet over the last 20 years. I've lost at least 30 lbs. dozens of times in my life. Unfortunately I keep failing maintenance. Here's the reason why diet's don't work. We make the decision to turn around our lives by starting a new way of eating. You are a victim and the diet gets the credit. Then you start maintenance and go back to your old eating habits. I am now ready to start the proper way to lose weight. Here's what I truly believe will work. You must make the decision that you are embarking on a new way of eating that will last your lifetime. It's no longer a diet followed by maintenance. It's a new lifestyle. Some rules:
1- Lot's of fruits and veggies. Try not to combine fruits, proteins and carbs. Eat fruit first.
2- Snack smart. Add protein as between meal snacks. Low fat string cheese works well. Use cut veggies into hummus dip. No chips, cookies or other carb snacks. Sorry chip makers.
3-Make your portion's smaller and smaller until you are satiated. Once the hunger is gone, stop eating. Start with a fist sized (your fist, not Schwarzenegger's) portion and try cutting down. Once your body feels it will be fed regularly it won't store food as fat. Don't eat after dinner but have at least 6 little meals and/or snacks each day. Don't miss meals or wait over 5 hours to eat.
A quick disclaimer. I am not a medical doctor nor a diet expert. I am an author who has dieted all my adult life and these are some of my observations that have worked for me. Before embarking on a change of life program like a diet/or weight loss plan, check with your Physician.

5 More Tips for an Inner Makeover

1-Become the source of your own love. I didn't mean what you're probably thinking. I mean romance yourself, do those things that a romantic partner would do for you. Treating yourself with respect, adoration and nurturing will attract those who will want to do the same for you.
2-Take care of your looks. Fill your body with health foods and exercise regularly. When you honor your body you demonstrate your love for yourself , and that's sexy.
3-Don't confuse love with lust. Dating decisions based on lust make women chase "bad boys" and turn into victims. Use your brain not your emotions to choose, make pro and con lists.
4-Be Cool. Make them chase you. Show them that your life is just fine without them.
5-Keep busy doing what you love. Find a hobby besides dating that can become your life's passion. When it becomes your passion , you will be more attractive and less needy when you are dating.

Pump up; It's Time for an Inner Makeover

Instead of a physical make over, how about considering increasing your dating confidence by giving yourself an inner makeover. Here's how:
1-Listen to your inner voice. If it doesn't speak nicely to you, guide your thoughts to deal with kinder, more supportive ideas. You want these thoughts to lift you up not tear you down.
2-Get rid of the downers. Surround yourself with people that support you.
3-There is very little freedom when your joy depends on things that are out of your control. If you have a "Date from Hell" and it was clearly the fault of the other person, simply laugh it off.
4-List's do work. Make a list of your good qualities. Visualize your ideal self and list all those wonderful things about you. Ask some friends to add to the list, you may be pleasantly surprised.
5-Incorporate winning strategies. The "Secret" works for many people; develop you own laws of attraction by; asking for it, believing in it, and willingly receiving it. Believing in the power of visualization and it will happen for you. It is a very strong mind over matter technique. Also, read up on and try self-hypnosis. The altered state will allow new ideas to flow to the subconscious mind with many empowering ideas.

The Person in the Next cubicle is HOT....Be Careful

Here are 5 rules for Office Romances:
1- Surprise!! It's not a secret . Everybody knows. Your cover is blown. People seem to find out.
2- Keep it professional during office hours. What you do outside or on a trip is your secret.
3- No E-mail exchanges. If you use the company server, someone can be reading all your mail.
4- Check out the company HR policies. No inter-office romance allowed, it can cause dismissal.
5- Take the high road. If it ends, don't discuss it or confide in any way with co-workers.

Getting Dumped: 5 Best Ways to take it like a Man

It goes both ways. Men dump women and vice versa. When a guy gets dumped he is left with several choices. Most of them can be categorized into the what not to do, here's the what TO do:

1- Don't look back. Keep your dignity. Say "bye, great getting to know you, take care," and just ride off into the sunset.
2-Show no one you're upset Be fine with it to the immediate world, positive thinking helps.
3- Make a clean break. Don't call, e-mail, IM, or text. Don't initiate trying to be friends. Get rid of all remnants of her.
4- Don't look back until you're truly over her.
5- You WILL get over it. Very soon you will feel alive, renewed, rejuvenated and ready to see what the world has to offer.

Couch Potato Removal

Now that the official start of football season is only a few weeks away, men all over the country are rehearsing their opening line. "Honey, is there anything you want to tell me before the Super Bowl in February?" So ladies before you resign yourself to grousing about that lazy bum, here are a few suggestions to get him to get off the couch...at least for a little while.
1- Start slowly. Encourage at least some activity. Get him up to walk around the block or a short bike ride. Gradually increase the distance every day.
2-Togetherness. Get him to go with you to your gym or do a sport or activity together.
3- Don't compete. If you're working out together don't show him up. He may get discouraged.
4- The better health talk. Talk to him about the benefits of exercise from stress relief to sex.
5- Be complimentary. Tell him how good(sexy) he looks. How well his clothes look on him now.
6- Any kids involved? Gently remind him that his actions influence the kids for better or worse.
7- Talk about the future. That you and the children want him around as they grow up.
8- Nagging is a no no. It doesn't work and makes them more resistant to listening to you.

Read All Carefully and Reflect on Each

1-I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2- Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
3- A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
4- Never frown, even when you're sad, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
5- To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
6- Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
7- There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust the next time around.
8- Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Focus Like Phelps for Dating Success

When I used to play a lot of golf, every once and a while I entered the "zone." It meant that everything was working well. I was hitting the ball where I aimed and I had incredible feel around the greens. It only lasted for a few holes, but a wiser and more experienced golfing friend told me to "just enjoy it while it lasts because it only lasts a short while."
Tiger Woods, Michael Phelps and Michael Jordan and others, although on a less consistent scale, all have and had the ability to put themselves into their "zone." It's the ability to remove all negative thoughts and just focus on the goal of winning.....just the way you should think about dating!!
Just think positive thoughts. You are relaxed and you will meet someone special at the party tonight. Or, I've been waiting to go out with my date tonight for a long time and I'm going to be myself; funny, witty, charming, attentive and relaxed. Just KNOW how much fun you're going to have. Visualize the evening and the conversations in your mind's eye. Focus on your surroundings and take it all in which will release your inner calm. No pressure, no expectations, no negative thoughts, just be relaxed and enjoy your time in the "zone."

Is She Flirting With You?

Here are a few flirting signals. After you read this blog, you will have a better understanding of the types of flirting signals of attraction. Now you'll know when someone is interested in you.
1- Check out the eyes. If you meet her eyes more than once, it's not an accident. She is checking you out also, subtlely trying to get your attention.
2- Hips don't lie. Check out her body positioning. Knees pointing to you or away
3- Eyes up close. Back to the eyes again. When you move closer together and she switches looking from your eyes to your lips and back again, she wonders what it would be like to kiss you.
4- Closer still; now it's touching time. Many women that are interested in you will touch your hand, arm, shoulder, neck and even your thigh. Even though you sense that she may be sensual and a touchy feely type of person, I think you should not rush into touching her first. Wait for her lead. You want to be invited in.

So in summary; after checking out her looks, try to make eye contact and smile. Don't stare but look again in a few seconds and try to catch her eye again and share a smile. That's your invitation to walk over to her and say "Hi" and introduce yourself.

Is He Self-Confident, Cocky or Just a Narcissist?

Why did Bill Clinton, Elliott Spitzer and recently, John Edwards ruin their legacy's while under the media microscope. Edwards recently admitted to being narcissistic. "I started to believe that I was special and became increasing egocentric."
So is your guy self-confident, cocky or increasingly narcissistic? Here are some clues:
1- Expects to be recognized as superior. Exaggerates his achievements and has a grandiose sense of self importance.
2- He is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, brilliance and fame.
3- Aspirations beyond normal daydreams. Enormous entitlement for only the best of everything.
4- Thinks the world revolves around him. Can only be appreciated by other high profile people.
5- Requires excessive and continuous admiration and compliments.
6- During sexual foreplay, he demands oral sex and refuses to reciprocate.
7- Lacks empathy and won't recognize the pain or needs of others. He is not there for you.
8- Treats people "beneath" him with disdain. Snaps at waiters and mentally abuses employees.

The Ping-Pong Approach for a Great Relationship

Most people involved in a relationship want and need many things including; closeness, personal space, feeling nurtured, understood, and being autonomous. Some want freedom to feel close and comforted, while others need the freedom to feel independent and unfettered.
The Ping-Pong dating approach suggests that neither partner should do all of the calling, planning, giving and chasing without the give and take participation from their significant other. In a perfect world, it should look like a Ping-Pong match. Up and back, give and take, dialogue rather than monologue. It has to be frustrating to hit the ball over the net and the reason it comes back is because the table is folded in half and you're getting a rebound from your attempt, not a voluntary response from your partner. Here are some guidelines:
1- Take turns during a conversation.
2- Concentrate. Listen well and don't just think about what you're saying next.
3- Respond. It's a two way street, take turns, even if your response is "yes, I agree."
4- Don't argue vociferously. If you have a differing opinion, mention it calmly and don't try to win
5- Invite a response. If you feel your partner is not doing 50-50, try to get them to respond.
6- Try again. If your partner doesn't respond, ask them again and give them plenty time.

What do Women Want?....They Want the Truth

I recall an old movie with the late great Alan King called "Just tell me what you want." According to my up close and personal Q&A sessions that I continually have with women, the answer is often the same. "I just want the truth."
In this political season, both campaigns spend countless hours listening to and researching speeches trying to catch their opponent in a lie(s). Over a hundred years ago a man running for the Office of the President was referred to as "Honest Abe." I think voters still look for someone they trust to tell them the truth.
Women are adept at spotting lier's and charlatans. Many men think they are getting away with their falsehoods, but the women can see through them.
So guys, as it going in dating and relationships, in politics you'd better tell the truth because women are the largest group of voters. If they know you're a lier, you'll lose.

Final Fair Fighting Guidelines

Again, let's thank Dr. Tina B. Tessina for her wonderful comments in Yahoo personals that inspired me to post this very important relationship quandary and potential deal breaker.
19-After listening carefully, paraphrase what your partner said,"so you're angry because..."
20-No personal attacks or criticism. Focus on solving problems. Take out the emotion.
21-Don't try to fix the problem if either of you are; impaired, tired, hungry, drunk or unstable.
22-If you feel you need to let off steam (vent), ask for permission to walk around the block or take time out to handle your excess energy or emotion. Run, walk rapidly, hit a pillow, write it out, or talk to a trusted friend who is not a part of the problem. Solve it later when you're ready
23-Surrender to your sense of better judgement and responsibility when you're aware that you made a mistake. Admit it and apologize. It's time to learn and grow.

More Fair Fighting Guidelines...Continued

9- State the problem as a request, not a demand.
10-Don't use power struggle tactics; ie. guilt, obligation, threats, emotional blackmail, courtroom logic, sacrificing, or hammering away.
11-If you lie, you lose. Make absolutely sure of your "facts." Don't embellish.
12-Simply ask for changes in behavior. Don't criticize their character, ethics or morals.
13-Don't fight over who is right or wrong. Opinions are not necessary. Focus on what will work.
14-Ask if there is anything else that we need to discuss now.
15-Don't guess what you think they are thinking or feeling. Ask; what are you thinking?, or what are you feeling? It's 100% better than guessing wrong.
16-Hold hands, hug if appropriate, look into each other eyes and remember you're partners.
17-If you're angry, express it calmly. There is no need for drama or one-upsmanship.
18-Acknowledge and honor your partner's feelings. Don't deflect them, laugh at them, or freak out. They're only feelings that will subside when accepted, respected, heard and honored.
cont'd tomorrow

Fighting Fair Guidelines

Most couples will and do have disagreements and conflicts that may lead to a "fight." When, where, why and especially HOW to fight are major relationship breakers. What follows are what to do and what not to do. Tina B. Tessina, Phd. wrote about this subject matter on Yahoo personals yesterday. I have liberally "borrowed " from Dr. Tessina for your edification.
1- The point is to reach a satisfactory solution, not to win. If you win and they lose....you lose.
2- Don't think you can read their mind. Ask instead. It's not worth it if you're wrong.
3- Don't rehash old problems. Concentrate on solving this one. No dredging.
4- K.I.S.S. method; keep it simple stupid. State the problem, suggest some alternatives then choose the best solution together.
5- Don't dominate. It's a dialogue, not a monologue. Keep it to two or three sentences.
6- Give adequate chances for them to respond.Suggest solutions if they have no ready solution.
7- Practice equality. If it's something that is important for one, it inevitably will be for both.
8- Ask and answer questions honestly and directly.
To be continued tomorrow

The 3 Major Online Dating Groups

Basically most of the types of people who are looking for love on the Internet fall into three major categories, they are are either: safe, shy, or shady.
The "safe" are basically a nice group of people who are just looking just in case they might find love online. It's probably not the only place they are looking, just one of many forums. It give them a leisurely way of finding an online "buddy" who you can get to be a pen pal with first. It's a nice safe haven for a "nice, safe" single looking for love.
The "shy" type usually go online because they find it easier to communicate in a much less confrontational manner than meeting in person and be totally unprepared. You can get to know somebody before they get to judge you. By the time you get to the date, your meet and greet is much easier.
The "shady" people are just that, "shady". They are the cheaters, deadbeats, liers, and mixed bag of misfits.Their profiles are usually full of lies and embellishments. Their so called "current" photo is very old or not even them. Their job, car, fun hobbies are usually what they think you want to see and hear. Look for "Red Flags" and lose their number.

3 Online Dating Major Turnoffs...For Me

In real life face to face dating there are some factors that are important;conversation skills, looks, personality, job, etc. But online, there are three factors that are real turnoffs for me:

1- You can tell a lot about a person by how they spell. Spelling says a lot about intelligence. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they spell and their vocabulary skills. Not typos. We all make occasional typos even in an important showcase like an online profile. Bad spelling and bad grammar..bye-bye.

2- You also can tell a lot about a person by the way they write. You can tell personality traits such as apprehension and shyness in some and confidence in others.

3- The final turnoff to me is the photo(s) submitted. If your photo doesn't show you at your best and your neatest then my mind says "whoops, this is a non-caring, non-smiling, slob."

Heading for Break-Up? Some Red Flags to look for

1- Emotional disappearing act. Are you being ignored? Is there emotional neglect? Tuning out? Bad body language like folded arms, ignoring you, no touching or affection.

2- Tit for tat fighting. Rather than each of you trying to mitigate problems, the mutual name calling evolves into throwing things, threats and worse. Emotional wounds take a long time to heal. The best cure is not allow yourself to get "hot." An angry person is usually unreasonable.

3- Take responsibility, quickly apologize and discuss both of you trying harder next time not to fight, but if it happens, remember to fight fairly. Simple changes in better communication skills and conversational tone can help keep the relationship in tact.

When is it Time to Move In?

Is shacking up in the cards for you? Here are some suggestions:
1- Make sure you know all about them and their family: mental illness? addiction? baggage? 2- What about their close friends? arrests? prison records? plus the three in #1 above.
3- Who is going to clean what?
4- Any children? If so, discuss custody and visitation and get to know the children.
5- Meet the ex. Any restraining orders? Any psychological problems?
6- Who will pay for what? Will there be a joint account? How much does each contribute?
7- Who is responsible for what? Social life arrangements? meals? vacations? household chores?
8- Timing of visits to and from family and friends.

The Wise Women Men Adore

Most men want to be bewitched, possessed, lured , finessed, and seduced by a woman. Men would give almost anything to a woman who simply makes him always feel good. It's not what you may think. It's not hours of sexual Kama Sutra or perfectly delicious home cooked meals that does it. Seduction is over 98% mental skills. Don't compete with him and know when to defer and allow him to be your hero.
Remember, if you want your man to treat you like a Queen, first you must treat him like a King.

6 Disastrous Dating Behaviors by Women

1- Too clingy and possessive
2- Always soliciting for compliments
3- Pushing her friends on him
4- Trash talking other women
5- Trash talking your ex.
6- General paranoia. What were you doing? Where were you? Who were you with?

Be cool, be calm, be confident.....and you'll be successful!!!!!!

The Pro's and Con's of Settling

I have interviewed hundreds of 30 and 40-something single women who are still holding out for " Mr. Right and to find true love."Lori Gottlieb in The Atlantic Monthly said to settle. "Don't nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling 'Bravo' in movie theatres. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go." So forget about the mythical "Mr. Right." Set your sights on Mr. Good Enough." But on the other hand....
Many other women have told me that they "will never settle." They don't accept the fact that they're naively idealistic to want an "intense connection with their soul mate." Because of their "passion needed in the relationship" goal, they will readily rationalize the fact that if they want a child they will do so with a sperm donor or adoption without emotional, financial, or logistical support. At this point in their lives they absolutely will not settle, but as we all know, most things change and perhaps their future will include "Mr. Good Enough."

5 Best Ways to Pick Someone Up at a Party

1- Hang out at the food or drink table because that's where most people congregate.
2-See every person not necessary as a future spouse, or lover, or even a date, but as a networking connection.
3- Initiate conversation. Just hay Hi. Smile. Remember seemingly dull people may just be shy.
4- Find common ground to talk about. Who invited them to the party, whom do they know, who brought them, discuss people you both have in common.
5- Talk mostly about them, not yourself. It's a great way to get to know them and protects you from dominating the conversation or bragging.

6 Ways to Ruin a Relationship

1- Checking into their massages and e-mails. Some have steamed open their mates mail.
2- Lying.The rock solid foundation of any good relationship is telling the truth. If you are caught in a lie, you'll lose credibility and no relationship can survive loss of trust.
3- Snooping. Checking into their drawers, looking at their records, their diary, their wallet, etc.
4- Become a private investigator. Trying to catch them"in the act."Following them to their place of work, their gym, their home( if you live apart), to see if they arrive or leave with an attractive stranger. If you get caught spying, they no longer will trust you. Is it worth the risk?
5- Sending others to check them out. A person your mate doesn't know can snoop undetected. Listening to them in a public place like a bar or restaurant.That person then has "something" on you. It's like sharing a secret. The only safe secret is one only you know.
6- Constantly checking up on them with paranoid or obsessive behavior. Calling regularly to "check in" is fine but calling incessantly will drive them away. It's controlling and lacking in trust.

No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust.

Why Men Don't Propose

1- Men don't hear the clock ticking the way women do. Not only the relationship clock but the biological clock.
2- Men dread the "BIG' Day. Just the way BIG panicked in the movie version of Sex in the City, many men can't handle the three ring circus surrounding the big event. All the details to deal with, all the pressure from her side of the family, all the kidding from his friends become over whelming.
3- The desire to be more prepared. Many men ask themselves, "Am I really ready to do this now?" They think that if they can wait a few more months (or years) they'll REALLY be sure and ready to commit.
4- They fear the proposal moment. What if she says no? Should I do it at the ball park or at a public event? If I do it the old fashioned way she'll think I'm not very creative.

Gals, if he hasn't yet proposed and you think it's time, then propose yourself. It's unique, but it's been done before. It will generate lots of dialogue no matter what his answer may be.

Seniors Looking for Love and Relationships

Now that people are living longer, changing attitudes, and the ease of finding love online, more senior citizens are dating than ever before. Older Americans, in fact, are now the fastest-growing group of couples living together out of wedlock; of the 10.5 million cohabiting couples in 2006, more than 17 percent were over 50, compared with 13.2 percent just six years ago. "It's like I'm a kid," said a local widow, 85, who has been dating an 83 year old widower. "When I'm with him, I'm caring for him, and when I'm not with him, I'm thinking about him."
A recent issue of AARP the magazine, quoted Jack Nicholson who said, and I'm paraphrasing, "I guess I'm like most seniors, I'm looking for that one last great love."

LOVE Really IS Blind

When you're in love, you walk around in a haze, blind to other potential mates, says a new study. In fact, for people who are already settled in a loving relationship, an attractive member of the opposite sex is repellant, not alluring. Researchers Florida State University found that while single people were naturally attentive at the sight of an attractive face, people in loving relationships became uncomfortable and looked away. This reflex, which happens before the conscious brain can process an image, is probably an evolutionary adaptation that promotes pair bonding, psychologist Joseph Forgas tells New Scientist. "What these studies suggest is that romantic love serves a very important function, tempering our natural desire to pay attention to, and to continuously seek out, the best available mate."

Rx for Men: More Sex

If men truly want to keep having sex into their old age, their best bet is to have lots of sex right now, says a new study. Finnish researchers found that the more sex men have in middle age, the more likely they are to keep their erectile function as they get older. Men who don't have intercourse at least one a week are four times as likely to suffer ED (erectile dysfunction) than guys who get it on three times a week. Researcher Juha Koskimaki tells CBSnews.com that the male reproductive system is similar to a muscle or to aerobic capacity: If you don't use it, you're bound to lose it. "Regular sexual activity preserves potency in a similar fashion as physical exercise maintains functional capacity," he says.

5 Best Ways to try the Pre-Date

If your time is valuable, and you're both looking to have a more substantial "real" date, why waste it on someone you should have screened on a pre-date.
1-Even before the pre-date, exchange a few words first either by phone, IM, or e-mail so when you meet, at least you're not perfect strangers.
2-Don't overdo it online. It may increase frustration and waste time.
3-When you meet, choose a fun place, where they have a busy happy hour after work.
4-Keep it short and simple, just good conversation. It's getting to know you time.
5-If it really goes well and you both choose to spend more time together, try a simple activity. Go for a walk, check local listings for a art show or festival. Be creative. Look for a different venue so you can get to know each other better.

What is Romantic Love?

By not knowing what love is, romantic relationships causes utmost anxiety. Love is not needing someone or depending on them for emotional satisfaction. Love IS the ability to be comfortably open with someone and have the emotional freedom to enjoy the rewards of their relationship without the lingering fear of losing it.
This feeling also extends to the bedroom. True intimacy is achieved by loving rather than personal gratification. It is a mutual sharing of pleasure and happiness. To truly attain better emotional and physical satisfaction with your partner, you both have to release negative feelings often associated with sex; guilt, self consciousness, yearning for approval, and be free of unrealistic expectations.
By releasing, relaxing and communicating you and your love partner can enjoy an open loving exchange of happiness and mutual enjoyment.

The Art of Letting Go--Release to Relax

Very often we don't realize what we want. Most decisions we make are based on our subconscious desires rather than trying to analyize what we think we want. By releasing the pressures of actively wanting something or someone we make clearer and wiser choices. As an additional benefit, it realeses us from the fear of not getting what we think we want.
So by releasing your fear, anxiety, wanting and self-doubt it's easier to accept a positive outcome, and this positive outcome helps you built confidence in your relationship.

So in summary;.... releasing pressure= improved patience which will allow you to enjoy your loving relationship without fear of losing it.

How to Create a Better Online Dating Profile

1- Be different. Check out the competition. Read dozens of other profiles and see what they say. It's time to be unique. Instead of saying ,"I like movies," you should say "My favorite movie is.... because.... then go on to say the plot has fabulous in depth character development and sophisticated humor which I much prefer to slapstick."

2- Use your profile to narrow your focus to what you want in order to filter out the bad matches. Be more descriptive in terms of age, appearance, and particularly, your interests.

3- Be Positive. Everybody want to be with a winner. Don't use negative words or phrases such as "I hate" or " I'm sick of."

Change your headline and your photo occasionlly to refresh your profile.

Looking for Unconditional Love?

Get a Dog. People use to call the late Leona Helmsley "the Queen of Mean," but boy did she love dogs. When she died last August, she left virtually her entire estate- between 5 billion and 8 billion-to a charitable trust dedicated to the "care and welfare of dogs." According to experts, this gift would total almost 10 times the combined assets of the 7,000 nonprofit groups devoted to animal welfare.
Numerous studies have found that up to one-third of Americans feel more attached to their dogs and other pets than they do to their family and friends. People, after all, are demanding, unreliable, and unpredictable, while pets provide unconditional love.
A man says to his friend, "I have a wonderful wife. When I come home she hugs me, kisses me, and more. In fact I don't know who is happier to see me my wife or my dog." His friend says, "here is a good test; lock both of them in the trunk of your car for an hour, then when you finally open the trunk, see who is happier to see you."

5 of the Best Ways to Win Arguements

1- Choose your battles. Don't pick on everything. Let the little things go. You "WIN," if you lose the battle to win the war, which is a lasting relationship.
2- You "WIN" if you praise your partner for good stuff and pass on chances to criticize. Don't fake it, but if it's real...say it sincerely. "I love your outfit or I really like your hair like that."
3- Say "I'm sorry" when you've done something wrong and say it quickly. Don't argue for hours and then eventually say it to make peace. It will wear you both down.
4- Forgive immediately when offered an "I'm sorry". Let it go. Don't hold grudges.
5- If your partner is upset with you and you realize that it's for a good reason, listen to them explain why they're upset and then apologize. Two goods things; you listened and apologized.

"Winning" is really not winning anything. Forget turf and concentrate on kindness, compassion and good communication.

Dating Game: Want to be Wanted? Become Scarce

Some of the best advice offered to women is to learn what drives men. Men are basically hunters and gatherers that cherish the chase before capturing the prey. Knowledgeable women know how to keep the man she wants in the race by not letting him capture her "too soon". The old adage of "A man chases a woman until she catches him," works. Don't always be available but show him how enjoyable your life is. He'll ache to be part of you and your fabulous life.
The good news is that it also works for men. That's the basic reason many women like "bad boys". They're cool, unpredictable, not always available and there's a hint of danger. You don't have to be a bad boy to learn from them. Learn the "Scarcity" rule. After a few good dates you become a wanted commodity. Once you're there, keep your status by becoming scarce. Not always available. When she calls, tell her you're busy even if you're not. Timing is everything. If you're too aloof, she'll think either you have another girlfriend or you are losing interest in her. It's like creating demand, similar to the way it's done in the video gaming business. Keep the demand going by limiting the supply. It's available but not always, sometimes you have to wait. The novelty will wear off but you've learned how to date someone on a regular loving basis.

Safety Update on Online Dating

Current news is full of stories about attacks, frauds, and rapes that you must learn how to protect yourself. Use only secure online dating sites that has https://, not http:// without the small "s". It assures that your payments and personal details will remain secure........Also:
1- Initially, never reveal your phone #. It's a recipe for crank calls and worse. Use e-mail until you meet someone in person and feel secure with him.
2- Initially, never reveal where you live. Meet him for the first time getting there by yourself.
3- Choose your photo, and write your profile carefully. Don't reveal too much about your private life, and your home life. Don't show your car license plate.
4- Don't divulge your daily routine, like what time you go for a jog, what gym you belong to or where you work.
5- When you meet, do it in a busy well lit location. Tell a friend who you are meeting, where you are meeting and have them call you 1/2 hour into the date. If all is O.K. say wrong number. If not, then say it's a family emergency and leave. Be careful. Be safe.

10 Signs that he's Ready to Commit

1- He pursues you. Calls regularly and wants to see only you.
2- He is financially secure and can afford to take care of you and start a family.
3- He takes care of you when you're sick.
4- Most of his friends are either married or getting engaged.
5- He is willing to wait for intimacy. He is willing to be your friend first.
6- He says we instead of me.
7- He really enjoys being in a monogamous relationship. Doesn't complain about needing space.
8- Gets to know your family and friends.
9- He doesn't need excuses or cross examine you; where were you?, why didn't you call?
10- Not afraid of compromise. Asks your opinion. Willing to meet half way.

7 Rules to Avoid the Wrong Guy, Find the Right Guy

1- Trust your intuition. It will help you make the right decisions about guys.
2- Be approachable. Smile. Make eye contact. These are powerful flirting tools that let a man know you are interested.
3- Be real. A woman who is authentic brings out the best in men.
4- Give him a chance. He may be shy or nervous at the start. Allow him to call, ask and pursue.
5- Don't fanaticize too much in the early stages of dating; it might trigger his recoil radar.
6- Stop worrying while you're waiting for him to call. When he does, don't cancel your plans.
7- Learn to love your own company first and a man will pursue you to be a part of your life.

Women: 3 Ways that Help and 3 Ways that Hurt

The top three elements for success with dates are:

1)- Self confidence, he'll chase you to become a part of your life.
2)- A caring upbeat nature; people will want to be around you.
3)- An approachable presence; you make people feel good.

Here are the 3 major problem areas:

1)- Unsuitable choices in men; no bad boys and no projects.
2)- Negative attitude. It's contagious, if you show it, he feels it.
3)- Dysfunctional relationship behavior; too clingy, too possessive, too demanding.

Speed Dating Do's and Dont's

Speed Dating is getting HOT. The number of companies with their online Web sites are growing. Here are a few to visit; Hurrydate, Cupid/Pre-dating, Fastlife, 8minuteDating, SpeedDating.

Speed Dating Things to Do:
1- Think of good questions to ask beforehand.
2- Dress well. Good grooming counts. Never have another chance to make a good 1st impression.
3- Be Cool. You're only looking for a second date. Not your future spouse. Be patient.
4- Admit fears. It's O.K. to say it's the first time speed dating for you.

Speed Dating No-No's:
1- Don't have a friend sit next to you, someone who is tempted to listen, comment and help out.
2- Don't drink before hand. Acting drunk is stupid, immature, and not funny.
3- Expect them to do the work, or worse, talk continuously not allowing them to get a word in.
4- Act nasty-Behave yourself, act appropriately, a friend of theirs may compare notes about you.
5- Compare notes with others. Don't share your impressions about anyone. Keep it private.

Jimmy Kimmel and Sarah Silverman.... Why?

One of the apparently deeply in love show business couples have decided to go their separate ways. Jimmy and Sarah shared a zany sense of humor, many interests and many mutual friends. It all seemed to be working so well. It's been 5 years and now, according their respective publicists, it's over. What could have gone wrong? We can speculate, but that won't tell us what really caused the break.
It's is the times we live in? People just get bored with each other. In show business there is always someone new coming along who could test your commitment to each other. Maybe they were talking about having children and religious differences may have played a role in the children(s) rearing. A couple of generations ago, our grandparents married for love, convenience, security and a mutual desire to raise a family with the "right" spouse. Their lives were so busy and full with work, sacrifice, extended families that the attitude was "if you had problems, you just worked them out". Divorce is no longer a sin to be frowned upon. It's so commonplace that breaking up is now the norm. So keep your eyes and ears opened so we can find out what happened to Jimmy and Sarah. I was rooting for them to make it. Too bad.

Singles,Try Free Web Sites For Dating Destiny

Why do singles pay for online dating sites looking for romance when there are FREE sites to also try? If you believe that paying for online dating service (s) is the only way to go, I have a suggestion. If it is free, and all you have to do is spend the time necessary to fill out your profile, why not try it(them)? One that I've heard about is called www.plentyoffish.com. As of today it's still absolutely free. There are rumors around that because they have been so successful; 8 Million members and 45 Million visitors per month, they have moved into larger space and hired several people. So they'll have to start charging to cover the new overhead. Try it today, you may get in under the wire.
I suggest you do your own research. Go to the FREE dating sites on the Internet search engines( Google, Yahoo, MSN, etc.), fill out your profile (honestly) and join.
Write in and let us know how you've done.
Here are a couple of others to check out
http://www.datehookup.com/
http://www.true.com/

GOOD LUCK

How To Tell If Your Partner Is Addicted to Porn?

1- Spends lot of time on line. Defensive about porn use on computer.
2- He doesn't seem attentive. He is distant and preoccupied. Not emotionally intimate.
3- Lacks interest in sex and seems distant and unresponsive.
4- When you do have sex he is uncharacteristically rough with you.
5- You notice changes in his demeanor and moods. He is not sleeping well. He used to be calmer.
6- He is constantly nit-picking your appearance.
7- He is not as social as he used to be. Excuses himself from activities using lame excuses.
8- Not getting straight answers from him. Using white lies or worse.

Love Maximization: Today # 1 Dating Problem

Yesterday The Huffington Post printed an article authored by Karen Salmansohn. I enjoyed reading it and would like to share the essence of it for your information.
Do you feel you are always looking for something better; better job, better place to live and a better relationship? Do you still find yourself checking out Internet dating sites in hopes of finding a bigger, better, more perfect catch? You may just be frustrating yourself.
So what's the cure for this situation that makes us often look for the "greener" grass.
1- Recognize that being a "love maximizer" actually minimizes your chances of finding a healthy happy relationship.
2- Next time you're tempted to two-time, think thrice, reminding yourself that many people look good from faraway and will have many flaws when viewed up close.
3- No one person is ever going to have every single thing you need. Your goal is to find the person that has the most important things that you need. Make a list of the 3 relationship deal breakers and the 3 things your partner must have to make you happy.
4- Once a week, spend a night luxuriating in your partners 3 fantastic must-have's and let it be known how much you appreciate him or her. Soon you'll turn yourself into a love energizer, instead of a love maximizer!

5 More Things to Make Great gals say Good bye

1- Rude to waiters. It's a real significant "tell". If he shows a lack of respect for a working person, he probably dislikes pets and children too. Besides you never mess with someone who feeds you.
2- Very nervous. Jumpy, has schpilkus (ants in his pants), taps silverware on table as if he's a drummer, makes little or no eye contact. If you see something worthwhile in him, try a second date. Maybe he just has a case of the first date nerves. Not condusive for attraction and romance.
3- El Cheapo. Either offers to split the bill. He says, "I have a rule that first dates are dutch treat". Or claims he left his wallet at home. "Hon, pick this one up, I'll get the next one."
4- Mr. Braggart. Talks continuously about himself; who he knows, where he's been and what he has. People who have to brag are a personality type that need to overcome their inherent insecurities by stroking their own egos.
5- Salesman. Makes you feel like you're being sold something. It's more like a business meeting than a date. This guy won't change, he is a salesman and probably will always be hustling you.

Turn Offs That Make Great Gals Say Good Bye

1- Unkempt/Sloppy. If he shows up with dirty nails, dirty shoes, and/or dirty clothes it's a dirty shame because he's history.

2- Too touchy-feely. If he acts as if you're there to be touched inappropriately you have to set him on the straight and narrow. No touch, no feel, no future.

3- Stereotyping you quickly. Oh you're that kind of woman. Or, I know lots of women like you.

4- He's still married. He told you he was single, but he will be separated soon. Do you want to wait? How would you really know if he truly became available? I wouldn't wait for a lier.

5- Not paying attention. He always seems distracted. Calls and answers his cell phone. Looks around the room. Interrupts you continually. He doesn't need you, he has himself.

5 More Turnoffs That Make Goodguys Say Goodbye

1- Too Clingy. She is so insecure that she absolutely needs you to fulfill all her needs.

2- Constantly talks about her bad dates. "Woe is me". So many "Dates from Hell." She doesn't realize that not only is she annoying, but she is the common denominator in all these bad dates. Makes you think that maybe they were negative reactions to her.

3- High Maintenance. Buy me, take me, show me, do for me, me, me, me. Unless you're a masochist, it's time to say goodbye.

4- Conceited braggart. Has an unrealistic value of her own importance. Feels she's above everyone else. Brags about who she knows, what she has, where she's been. Who cares? Do you?

5- Game player. Annoying tease, flirts with other guys, gives deceptively vague answers to your questions, likes to cause confusion and has some type of "crisis" every day. It's all about her.

Turnoffs that make Goodguys say Goodbye

1- Misleading Internet profile. I don't know anyone who likes a lier. Tell the truth, it will appear.
2- Continually late. I don't know about you, but I think someone who is always late doesn't care enough to respect you. I think it is a character flaw whereby those tardy people are either so incompetent getting their act together on time or they think the world revolves around them.
3- Chatterbox. A conversation should be a dialogue not a monologue. If you can't get a word in edgewise, you're really not needed. Maybe she's nervous, if rest is O.K. a second chance is fine.
4- Marriage bound. She talks about commitment, futures, children, and being together forever way to early in the relationship.
5- Cross examiner. The first date turns into the third degree. She asks detailed, probing, intimate, personal, questions instead of the simple getting to know you ones. Asking about favorite movies, music, viewing and participant sports, hobbies and general information are perfect for the getting to know you date. The heavy ones about politics, religion, former relationships and personal baggage can wait a couple of dates down the road.

Should She Approach Him

Here's a scenario I recently heard about. Three women friends went to a nice restaurant for dinner. Two of the three women was single. They choose have a cocktail in the bar area until their table was ready. They observed a single man sitting at the bar apparently waiting for someone. One of the single women told her friends that she thought the man was attractive looking, wasn't wearing a wedding ring, and his date must have been late because he kept checking his watch and turning around frequently towards the door. Her two friends suggested that she walk over and tell the man what she surmised and hand him her number to call her if he is looking for a date in the future.
She said that's totally inappropriate. A lady doesn't approach a man unless they are properly introduced. "What would he think of me if I spoke to him in the manner they suggested?"
What do you think? What we might have here is an example of generational attitudes. In my opinion, I think a younger woman would be more inclined to approach the man and tell him what she observed, hand him her number and ask him to call so they can get to talk about getting together. Post your comments.

5 Signs it was a Great First Date for Him

1- She actually showed up. Many men who have approached women, chatted with them, asked for their number, and set a date have been stood up. It's part of the process.
2- She laughs a lot during the date.
3- She offers to split the bill. Very often first dates are "Dutch" treat especially if nothing is discussed in advance concerning payment. She recognizes there is no such thing as a free meal.
4- She sees her girlfriends and insists they come over to meet you. A very good sign....you've passed the "good enough to be seen with in public test."
5- At the end of the date you reach out to give her a warm hug, she holds your face, pulls you in and gives you a full on kiss on the mouth.

5 Signs it was a Great First Date for Her

1- She was very excited to go out with him. It really starts out well when he shows up on time, dressed appropriately, well groomed, and with a big smile on his face.

2- He spent time thinking about what to do on the date. He got some likes and dislikes from her up front and planned accordingly.

3- He picks up the check without hesitation.

4- He maintains eye contact throughout the date. No looking around the room glancing at others.

5- You both can't wait to see each other again.

3 Best First Date Tips Turns into 16 Suggestions

1- Be Yourself. Have the attitude that there are many fish in the sea and this is just a date. Relax

2- Dress appropriatly. Be neat and well groomed. Ask open ended questions about your date. No politics or religion discussions on the first date. No crass humor.

3- Don't try too hard to impress. Always tell the truth. Be the real you. Try to make your date comfortable, keep eye contact, listen and pay attention. Don't interrupt. Enjoy the time together.

Best Compliments for a Woman you Already know

1- If she is wearing something short, say"Nice Wheels" or "what beautiful legs you have."

2- Spontaneously say, "you know you're gorgeous."

3- When in a group or crowd, whisper in her ear, "do you know you're the hottest girl in the room."

4- After an interesting, stimulating conversation, say "do you know you're the smartest girl I ever dated."

5- "You are really an incredible kisser."

6- Most women are worried about the size of their backside. A classy compliment would be. "Sorry I fell behind but I just can't keep my eyes off your beautiful butt."

Some of the Best Compliments from a Man

I asked many women "What was the nicest thing a man ever said to you?" Most of them said it depended on when in the relationship it was uttered. If you just met someone, a comment about her body may be inappropriate. So save the physical observations until she is comfortable with you. Generally speaking, complimenting a beautiful woman on her looks is ineffective. She's heard it many time before and it makes you one of the crowd.

Here are a few to use early on:

1- You really smell great

2- That looks good on you.

3- You're different than the other girls I've met.

4- You really have a lot of class.

Final Group of Do's and Dont's for Online Dating

1- Don't take it personally if it doesn't work out for either of you. You both still have lots of choices and eventually, through persisitence, things will work out for the best.

2- If there is any chemistry at all, I suggest giving him another chance. Maybe he was nervous or just didn't do well until he gets to know you better. I suggest you agree to a second date. Keep the communications flowing and you'll get to know each other without the first date pressures.

3- Don't agree to a first date unless you are comfortable with him. Go with your instincts..if it feels wrong online, on the phone, or at the meet and greet, it probably is.

4- Don't let computer dating take over your life. Keep busy. Don't obsess over dating sites and potential matches and why someone didn't return your e-mail to them.

5- Be self confident about online dating and you'll have a better chance of meeting Mr.Right.

6- People love people who exude self-confidence.

More Do's and Don'ts for Online Dating

1- Be choosy about which Dating sites you select. Use the ones that specialize in compatibility matches and shared interests.
2- Safety first. When you agree to meet for the first time, don't let him pick you up at home. If the date doesn't workout for you and his is, at best annoying you, and at worst, a stalker you don't want him to know where you live. Choose a popular, well-lit place, drive there yourself or have a friend take you. It's important for a friend or loved one to know who you are meeting, in addition to where and when. About a half-hour into the date, have your friend call your cell. If all is O.K. say sorry wrong number. If you want to get out of there, listen for a while, say "Oh, no" and tell him you have to leave immediately for an emergency. Stay sober, and always watch your drink. That's right, never let it out of your sight. Nothing can be put into your drink if you're watching.. No matter how well it goes, don't leave with him. Use your intuition.
3- Be careful but don't let fear immobilize you. Just be cautious until your intuition tells you that he is O.K.

Some Do's and Don'ts for Online Dating

1-Create a great profile. Use a professional photographer for a "glamour shot" to show you at your best possibly doing what you enjoy. Also try to get help developing a "hook" for a grabber headline. Try to keep it upbeat, focusing on your values, interests and hobbies. Don't mention prior relationships or negative dating perceptions. Be clear about looking for someone who is emotionally stable who shares common interests.
2- It's O.K. for a woman to contact a man especially if he has something in his profile that you find interesting. Just contact him once and wait for him to reply. No reply means no interest.
3- Don't get ahead of yourself by telling too much about about yourself too soon. Be cool. Go slowly.

Best Behavior For Men Meeting Strange Women

Walk calmly and approach her with confidence. Too slow is wimpy and too fast is threatening.

If you're with a group, separate yourself so you don't look like you're part of a "pack".

Dress well for a strong first impression. Women like well groomed men in cool shoes.

Come alive; be fun, funny and provocative. Use your brain to be smart and confident.

A Few George Carlin Rememberances

We lost a true comedic genius..Laugh along and remember a few of his finest observations:

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will break in to clean them?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
What was the best thing before sliced bread?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
How do blind people know when they are done wiping?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?

And A Child Shall Lead Us..........

All my previous Blogs have been about Love, Dating, Romance, Being Single, First Date, and Courtship, etc. Now for a change of pace, I suggest you spend about 6 minutes to watch a young Canadian Teenager addressing a United Nations Forum. Look it up on You tube.com or go to
http:///www..youtube.com/watch?v=tF9K0zJi8m

Alternative Approach to Issuing Ultimatums

Ultimatum, or; last offer, final proposal, last chance, demand or warning. I don't know about you, but most people get angry and defensive when given an ultimatum.
Now here's a better way to handle it....Calmly explain your needs and expectations. Use nice but straight-foward intelligent language.
So, instead of saying "There better be a ring on my finger by year's end or I'm otta here."...Say
"I love what we have and I enjoy every moment we spend together. But, I'm not sure what your plans are for us in the future. I want you to know that I'm no longer interested in an open ended dating just for fun relationship. I'm looking for someone I can share my life with, get married and have children. I want to start a dialogue with you so I know where you stand. So, I'll be clear, if we're not on the same page, I'm going to consider dating other people who are open to the idea of settling down."
It's not an ultimatum, but it a clear assertion of your intentions . It's a statement of your true feelings that are direct and to the point. In Summary...no threats and no beating around the bush.

5 Reasons Ultimatums Don't Work

1-He might not have made peace with the decision you pushed him into, ie."marry me or else."

2- He feels uncomfortable doing what you want him to do, ie."Stop talking with your ex."

3- You shouldn't force him into major decisions if he's not ready, ie. " O.K., we're engaged."

4- You can't change someone or have control of their actions unless they want to buy in, ie. O.K. , I'll do what you want, just stop bugging me. All you achieved is a short term temporary win.

5- What if he calls your bluff, are you ready for him to leave. Always consider the worst case scenario.

Why Nice Guys Lose Out To Cocky Guys

A cocky guy is perceived as being a stronger confident male with more VALUE. How? He is in a word, C O O L. He doesn't appear to invest it all; his entire being, his ego, and self-worth in what a woman's response or reaction to him might be. He's not all over her, gushing with compliments. He's not praising her looks and isn't readily available to her. He doesn't give too much, and he comes across knowing that if the woman says no to him, he's not going to fall apart. He seems to take pleasure in his what-ever attitude.
If he asks her out and she says no...that's O.K.with him, he conveys the attitude that "I'm a busy guy with lots of exciting things going on and lots of other options." Now that she rejected him, she has second thoughts. "Wow, this is a self-confident guy. There is something very exciting about a man like this. I'm going to flirt back and ask him out."
Just as men like the chase, women like the challenge of why he is so aloof and not making a fuss over her like most men do. She is curious and will go after what she can't figure out.
So men and women alike..don't be too easy, too available, too needy....be cool.

5 Minute Abs--The only ab exercise you'll ever need

Tight, toned, tummy, fast. Here's how; do bicycle crunches, they work for both abs and obliques.
Lie on your back, hands behind your head, elbows out. Lift shoulder blades and left leg 6" off floor. As you bring your right knee towards your chest, you twist your torso so your left elbow barely touches your right knee. Then switch sides and touch your left knee to your right elbow. Try two sets of twelve reps. Do this 5 minute exercise daily and you will lose inches off your waistline as you tighten your flabby abs.
I'm certain you will be not only pleased with all the admiring glances you will be getting, but you will love the way your clothes fit and the sexy way you look.
Try it and send in your comments .

Are you a communicator or lecturer?

Communication is a two way process involving an exchange of ideas. If it's only your way, you'll frustrate the other person and possibly yourself if you sense the other persons lack of involvement as disinterest rather than an ability to get a word in.
Simple Rules for Good Communication
1-Be prepared. Organize your thoughts in your mind before sharing.
2-Good communication is collaborative, not competitive.
It's a two way process involving an exchange of ideas. Poor communicators are often lecturers or teachers by nature. They want to tell you what they know and often don't realize that you already know what you are saying to them.
As a general rule they don't listen well and interrupt often.
Be diplomatic, tell them how you feel. See if they can learn to make it a two way street.

Words of Wisdom and Humor

Sensible Observations--Some new, some old, all appropriate.
1-When I die, I want to die like my grandfather--peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.
2-My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim"---- Paula Poundstone
3-I think I know how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, "Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west."----Richard Jeni
4-If life were fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead-- Johnny Carson 5-Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.----Paul Rodriguez
6-My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned 60 and it's the law----J. Seinfeld 7-Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same----Oscar Wilde
8-You can say any foolish thing to a dog and the dog will give you a look that says. "My God, you're right!!I never would've thought of that!"----Dave Barry

Have a Pity Party and get over the Break-up

Breaking up is hard to do....Most of us have been shown "the gate" and told it was over. Now we have two choices: Get over it quickly or wallow in self pity for an extended time. What did I do wrong? What should I do differently the next time? Will there be a next time? Stop. Enough.
I suggest having a "Pity Party" with all you closest confidants and have closure. Drink, laugh, cry, reminisce, drink some more and leave it all behind you. It's time to get on with the rest of your life.
You're going to do better in the future . You will meet that someone special and live happily ever after. Well, at least it's the correct attitude to start with.
It's very hard to advise someone without being a fly on the wall during the last relationship, but here's a good guideline to remember. Communicate your needs better the next time, and encourage your partner to do the same. It will make you understand each other better and lessen that feeling of disappointment. It also smooths the path to better intimacy. Good Luck
Let's hear some success stories. Join in, send your comments.

Why Certain Guys Don't Talk

1- They are intimidated. They are the shy types.

2- They need to decompress. Either from work or sports or travel, ....or a binge.

3- Men are usually more comfortable with actions rather than words. The strong silent type.

4- They feel uncomfortable being put on "the spot".

What else men should do to get a second date

1- Never look at other women on your first date. Guaranteed you will be caught.

2- Compliment her mind and sense of humor.

3- Compliment her on the way she looks. Just don't over do it and stay away from "body parts".

4- Make the next date an activity date. Park, beach, picnic, tennis. Seems like you are a couple.

5- Be positive, funny, and fun to be with. Don't complain or bash ex's.

What men should do to get a second date

1- Ask at the end of the first date say; "I had a great time, I'd love to see you again."

2- Call, text or E-mail the next day.

3- When on the first date, challenge her mind. Don't agree with everything she says. Women don't like wimps.

4- Don't expect or try to force intimacy or sex.

5- Listen to what she says and develop a dialogue, not a monologue. Nobody likes a braggart.

Meeting your Soulmate even if you're a Single Mom

1- You see a tall, dark, handsome stranger nearby as your child is throwing a tantrum. You ask, "were you like that as a child?" Flirt while you child has a tantrum.
2- Same guy walks by while you and your child argue about eating cereal. Ask stranger "what cereal would you choose?" Try to engage the stranger in the discussion.
3- Your child starts playing with another child in the park. The child may be with his single Dad. Observe and approach the dad for a future play date.
4- When you do on-line dating only show a photo of yourself. The family situation discussion can come at a later time, like after a successful first date.
5- Your on-line dating profile should reflect your tastes and passions, not your duties as a Mom.

Top 5 Mistakes Single Men make while Dating

1- Don't show off or try to impress too much.

2- They don't listen while she is talking.

3- They are not chivalrous. He should pay and make sure she gets home safely.

4- Too wishy-washy. Men should take the initiative after finding out if she has any dislikes.

5- Tells her he will call her and doesn't.

5 More Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating

6- Don't choose a date based only on a photo. Profiles also count.

7- Do move the communication from E-mail to phone. It speeds up the process.

8- Don't disclose where you live or any other personal information.

9- Do take things slowly and meet first in a well lit public place.

10-Don't behave like a little kid in a candy store full of online temptations.

For Her-- 5 Do's and Don'ts of Online Dating

1- Do learn Dating Profile Lingo such as Cuddly means Chubby.

2- Don't assume his photo is up to date.

3- Do post a current photo of yourself.

4- Don't fall for corny come on lines, like "I love to take sunset strolls on the beach."

5- Do brush up on your math to match his likes and dislikes with the correct decade.

Additional Hints
a- Subtract 3" from his published height.
b- Double his weight.
c- Halve his income.
d-Add a decade to his age

5 More Secrets To Keep Her Happy

6- Keep her laughing, and laugh at her attempt at humor.

7- When you disagree, fight fairly. Never say never or always, they're usually exaggerations.

8- Get angry when defending her and the family in confrontational situations. She'll feel safer.

9- Confront problem situations with her and play to win to gain respect. Discuss solutions to ensure better communications, compromise, and compassion. Never go to bed angry.

10-Become more touchy. Non-sexual touching. Caress neck, arms, mini-massage, also O.K. in public. Not lusty or aggressive, but loving and affectionate shows you care, and can't keep your hands off her. It will become lusty time later.