Single Moms Dating Again

If you're a single mom and you have created an Internet dating profile, be upfront and tell the truth.. Why waste your time and the time of men who are not interested in women with kids.
If you meet a man in your daily life, you don't have to reveal it right away. If you do get to go out on a date with him, I believe it's necessary to tell the whole story before you may be asked out on a second date.
It's also a good idea to keep your child out of the picture. However, if you are dating a guy exclusively for at least six months, consider an introduction--but no sleepovers at your house until you've told your child that you have a commitment.
How you describe your relationship with your "friend" to your child (children) depends on their age(s). With young children you can say that the sleepovers are like play dates and they have nothing to do with the time that you share with them and no matter what else, the child is your first priority. Make sure the guy you are seeing understands that as well.

Dating vs. Tennis.. Go with what works

Yes, go with what works, but change what doesn't. I recently heard that Rafael Nadal, the #1 Tennis player in the world has signed a huge contract with Nike. Their marketing people want to come out with a new line of Nadal signature products. The problem is that they want Rafael to change his image. They tried to convince him to get away from the muscle shirts and pedal pusher shorts. I heard that Rafael was set to go with the change for the current U.S. Open, but at the last minute he got cold feet and decided not to change, at least until after the tournament. I guess he figured; "I worked myself up to # 1, so why change a winning formula?" Good thinking!!
Now let's compare it to your dating life. If it is working and you are happy with the quantity and quality of your dates, then I suggest you continue what you're doing. But if you're like most of the people I talk too who are not happy with their dating lives it's time for changes. Here are just a few (include your comments with your suggestions): Get a make-over, new hairstyle, professional make up and re-do your online dating photo AND your profile. When you meet someone new, act friendly, don't brag, make eye contact, smile, look to have fun, go out to new places where people with common interests hang out, and tell your friends and family to keep you in mind thinking of possible dates for you. Change your wardrobe to be more fashionable and "cool", and my final suggestion, don't look at a date as the person you may want to marry...just look to have fun and enjoy yourself..It will take the pressure off and you WILL have fun.

What Caused Her to Leave Him?

Obviously loss of attraction and lessening of chemistry are major causes for breakups. However, if he turns into a couch potato and allows her to make all the important decisions, she'll conclude that she doesn't love or respect the "wimp." So here are the big 4 reasons you may be dumped.
1- Don't be a wuss. She'll lose all respect for you.
2-Don't be boring or predictable. She craves creativity and excitement.
3-Pause before saying or doing what you've always said or done. In Seinfeld, George Costanza , the loser, did the opposite of what he normally did and became successful with women.
4- Try to be creative, adventurous, funny, passionate and romantic. You gotta work at it. Women will sense your lack of interest in them.

5 Biggest Dating Mistakes Men Make

1- Many men try to show off or impress (brag) too much.
2- Men say women talk too much. Why is that? Because men don't listen and women have to repeat themselves. Guys, please pay attention and listen to what she has to say.
3- Many modern men are clueless about good manners. Be chivalrous; open her car door, pick up the tab, say please and thank you, and make sure she get home safely.
4- Act like wussies. Can't make a decision. "I dunno, what ever you want to do is fine with me" Pay attention to her needs and take time to plan an interesting date. Be a good conversationalist.
5- Don't fib. If you say you're going to call ; just do it, or don't say you will. Why keep her thinking there will be another date when you know there won't. After the date , say "I had a nice evening. So nice to have met you." No mention about calling her, she will tell her friends you lied to her and it will damage your reputation. The word does get around.

Diets Don't Work... A Better Way to Lose Weight

I've been successful on almost every popular diet over the last 20 years. I've lost at least 30 lbs. dozens of times in my life. Unfortunately I keep failing maintenance. Here's the reason why diet's don't work. We make the decision to turn around our lives by starting a new way of eating. You are a victim and the diet gets the credit. Then you start maintenance and go back to your old eating habits. I am now ready to start the proper way to lose weight. Here's what I truly believe will work. You must make the decision that you are embarking on a new way of eating that will last your lifetime. It's no longer a diet followed by maintenance. It's a new lifestyle. Some rules:
1- Lot's of fruits and veggies. Try not to combine fruits, proteins and carbs. Eat fruit first.
2- Snack smart. Add protein as between meal snacks. Low fat string cheese works well. Use cut veggies into hummus dip. No chips, cookies or other carb snacks. Sorry chip makers.
3-Make your portion's smaller and smaller until you are satiated. Once the hunger is gone, stop eating. Start with a fist sized (your fist, not Schwarzenegger's) portion and try cutting down. Once your body feels it will be fed regularly it won't store food as fat. Don't eat after dinner but have at least 6 little meals and/or snacks each day. Don't miss meals or wait over 5 hours to eat.
A quick disclaimer. I am not a medical doctor nor a diet expert. I am an author who has dieted all my adult life and these are some of my observations that have worked for me. Before embarking on a change of life program like a diet/or weight loss plan, check with your Physician.

5 More Tips for an Inner Makeover

1-Become the source of your own love. I didn't mean what you're probably thinking. I mean romance yourself, do those things that a romantic partner would do for you. Treating yourself with respect, adoration and nurturing will attract those who will want to do the same for you.
2-Take care of your looks. Fill your body with health foods and exercise regularly. When you honor your body you demonstrate your love for yourself , and that's sexy.
3-Don't confuse love with lust. Dating decisions based on lust make women chase "bad boys" and turn into victims. Use your brain not your emotions to choose, make pro and con lists.
4-Be Cool. Make them chase you. Show them that your life is just fine without them.
5-Keep busy doing what you love. Find a hobby besides dating that can become your life's passion. When it becomes your passion , you will be more attractive and less needy when you are dating.

Pump up; It's Time for an Inner Makeover

Instead of a physical make over, how about considering increasing your dating confidence by giving yourself an inner makeover. Here's how:
1-Listen to your inner voice. If it doesn't speak nicely to you, guide your thoughts to deal with kinder, more supportive ideas. You want these thoughts to lift you up not tear you down.
2-Get rid of the downers. Surround yourself with people that support you.
3-There is very little freedom when your joy depends on things that are out of your control. If you have a "Date from Hell" and it was clearly the fault of the other person, simply laugh it off.
4-List's do work. Make a list of your good qualities. Visualize your ideal self and list all those wonderful things about you. Ask some friends to add to the list, you may be pleasantly surprised.
5-Incorporate winning strategies. The "Secret" works for many people; develop you own laws of attraction by; asking for it, believing in it, and willingly receiving it. Believing in the power of visualization and it will happen for you. It is a very strong mind over matter technique. Also, read up on and try self-hypnosis. The altered state will allow new ideas to flow to the subconscious mind with many empowering ideas.

The Person in the Next cubicle is HOT....Be Careful

Here are 5 rules for Office Romances:
1- Surprise!! It's not a secret . Everybody knows. Your cover is blown. People seem to find out.
2- Keep it professional during office hours. What you do outside or on a trip is your secret.
3- No E-mail exchanges. If you use the company server, someone can be reading all your mail.
4- Check out the company HR policies. No inter-office romance allowed, it can cause dismissal.
5- Take the high road. If it ends, don't discuss it or confide in any way with co-workers.

Getting Dumped: 5 Best Ways to take it like a Man

It goes both ways. Men dump women and vice versa. When a guy gets dumped he is left with several choices. Most of them can be categorized into the what not to do, here's the what TO do:

1- Don't look back. Keep your dignity. Say "bye, great getting to know you, take care," and just ride off into the sunset.
2-Show no one you're upset Be fine with it to the immediate world, positive thinking helps.
3- Make a clean break. Don't call, e-mail, IM, or text. Don't initiate trying to be friends. Get rid of all remnants of her.
4- Don't look back until you're truly over her.
5- You WILL get over it. Very soon you will feel alive, renewed, rejuvenated and ready to see what the world has to offer.

Couch Potato Removal

Now that the official start of football season is only a few weeks away, men all over the country are rehearsing their opening line. "Honey, is there anything you want to tell me before the Super Bowl in February?" So ladies before you resign yourself to grousing about that lazy bum, here are a few suggestions to get him to get off the couch...at least for a little while.
1- Start slowly. Encourage at least some activity. Get him up to walk around the block or a short bike ride. Gradually increase the distance every day.
2-Togetherness. Get him to go with you to your gym or do a sport or activity together.
3- Don't compete. If you're working out together don't show him up. He may get discouraged.
4- The better health talk. Talk to him about the benefits of exercise from stress relief to sex.
5- Be complimentary. Tell him how good(sexy) he looks. How well his clothes look on him now.
6- Any kids involved? Gently remind him that his actions influence the kids for better or worse.
7- Talk about the future. That you and the children want him around as they grow up.
8- Nagging is a no no. It doesn't work and makes them more resistant to listening to you.

Read All Carefully and Reflect on Each

1-I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.
2- Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
3- A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
4- Never frown, even when you're sad, because you never know who's falling in love with your smile.
5- To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
6- Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.
7- There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust the next time around.
8- Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON

Focus Like Phelps for Dating Success

When I used to play a lot of golf, every once and a while I entered the "zone." It meant that everything was working well. I was hitting the ball where I aimed and I had incredible feel around the greens. It only lasted for a few holes, but a wiser and more experienced golfing friend told me to "just enjoy it while it lasts because it only lasts a short while."
Tiger Woods, Michael Phelps and Michael Jordan and others, although on a less consistent scale, all have and had the ability to put themselves into their "zone." It's the ability to remove all negative thoughts and just focus on the goal of winning.....just the way you should think about dating!!
Just think positive thoughts. You are relaxed and you will meet someone special at the party tonight. Or, I've been waiting to go out with my date tonight for a long time and I'm going to be myself; funny, witty, charming, attentive and relaxed. Just KNOW how much fun you're going to have. Visualize the evening and the conversations in your mind's eye. Focus on your surroundings and take it all in which will release your inner calm. No pressure, no expectations, no negative thoughts, just be relaxed and enjoy your time in the "zone."

Is She Flirting With You?

Here are a few flirting signals. After you read this blog, you will have a better understanding of the types of flirting signals of attraction. Now you'll know when someone is interested in you.
1- Check out the eyes. If you meet her eyes more than once, it's not an accident. She is checking you out also, subtlely trying to get your attention.
2- Hips don't lie. Check out her body positioning. Knees pointing to you or away
3- Eyes up close. Back to the eyes again. When you move closer together and she switches looking from your eyes to your lips and back again, she wonders what it would be like to kiss you.
4- Closer still; now it's touching time. Many women that are interested in you will touch your hand, arm, shoulder, neck and even your thigh. Even though you sense that she may be sensual and a touchy feely type of person, I think you should not rush into touching her first. Wait for her lead. You want to be invited in.

So in summary; after checking out her looks, try to make eye contact and smile. Don't stare but look again in a few seconds and try to catch her eye again and share a smile. That's your invitation to walk over to her and say "Hi" and introduce yourself.

Is He Self-Confident, Cocky or Just a Narcissist?

Why did Bill Clinton, Elliott Spitzer and recently, John Edwards ruin their legacy's while under the media microscope. Edwards recently admitted to being narcissistic. "I started to believe that I was special and became increasing egocentric."
So is your guy self-confident, cocky or increasingly narcissistic? Here are some clues:
1- Expects to be recognized as superior. Exaggerates his achievements and has a grandiose sense of self importance.
2- He is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, brilliance and fame.
3- Aspirations beyond normal daydreams. Enormous entitlement for only the best of everything.
4- Thinks the world revolves around him. Can only be appreciated by other high profile people.
5- Requires excessive and continuous admiration and compliments.
6- During sexual foreplay, he demands oral sex and refuses to reciprocate.
7- Lacks empathy and won't recognize the pain or needs of others. He is not there for you.
8- Treats people "beneath" him with disdain. Snaps at waiters and mentally abuses employees.

The Ping-Pong Approach for a Great Relationship

Most people involved in a relationship want and need many things including; closeness, personal space, feeling nurtured, understood, and being autonomous. Some want freedom to feel close and comforted, while others need the freedom to feel independent and unfettered.
The Ping-Pong dating approach suggests that neither partner should do all of the calling, planning, giving and chasing without the give and take participation from their significant other. In a perfect world, it should look like a Ping-Pong match. Up and back, give and take, dialogue rather than monologue. It has to be frustrating to hit the ball over the net and the reason it comes back is because the table is folded in half and you're getting a rebound from your attempt, not a voluntary response from your partner. Here are some guidelines:
1- Take turns during a conversation.
2- Concentrate. Listen well and don't just think about what you're saying next.
3- Respond. It's a two way street, take turns, even if your response is "yes, I agree."
4- Don't argue vociferously. If you have a differing opinion, mention it calmly and don't try to win
5- Invite a response. If you feel your partner is not doing 50-50, try to get them to respond.
6- Try again. If your partner doesn't respond, ask them again and give them plenty time.

What do Women Want?....They Want the Truth

I recall an old movie with the late great Alan King called "Just tell me what you want." According to my up close and personal Q&A sessions that I continually have with women, the answer is often the same. "I just want the truth."
In this political season, both campaigns spend countless hours listening to and researching speeches trying to catch their opponent in a lie(s). Over a hundred years ago a man running for the Office of the President was referred to as "Honest Abe." I think voters still look for someone they trust to tell them the truth.
Women are adept at spotting lier's and charlatans. Many men think they are getting away with their falsehoods, but the women can see through them.
So guys, as it going in dating and relationships, in politics you'd better tell the truth because women are the largest group of voters. If they know you're a lier, you'll lose.

Final Fair Fighting Guidelines

Again, let's thank Dr. Tina B. Tessina for her wonderful comments in Yahoo personals that inspired me to post this very important relationship quandary and potential deal breaker.
19-After listening carefully, paraphrase what your partner said,"so you're angry because..."
20-No personal attacks or criticism. Focus on solving problems. Take out the emotion.
21-Don't try to fix the problem if either of you are; impaired, tired, hungry, drunk or unstable.
22-If you feel you need to let off steam (vent), ask for permission to walk around the block or take time out to handle your excess energy or emotion. Run, walk rapidly, hit a pillow, write it out, or talk to a trusted friend who is not a part of the problem. Solve it later when you're ready
23-Surrender to your sense of better judgement and responsibility when you're aware that you made a mistake. Admit it and apologize. It's time to learn and grow.

More Fair Fighting Guidelines...Continued

9- State the problem as a request, not a demand.
10-Don't use power struggle tactics; ie. guilt, obligation, threats, emotional blackmail, courtroom logic, sacrificing, or hammering away.
11-If you lie, you lose. Make absolutely sure of your "facts." Don't embellish.
12-Simply ask for changes in behavior. Don't criticize their character, ethics or morals.
13-Don't fight over who is right or wrong. Opinions are not necessary. Focus on what will work.
14-Ask if there is anything else that we need to discuss now.
15-Don't guess what you think they are thinking or feeling. Ask; what are you thinking?, or what are you feeling? It's 100% better than guessing wrong.
16-Hold hands, hug if appropriate, look into each other eyes and remember you're partners.
17-If you're angry, express it calmly. There is no need for drama or one-upsmanship.
18-Acknowledge and honor your partner's feelings. Don't deflect them, laugh at them, or freak out. They're only feelings that will subside when accepted, respected, heard and honored.
cont'd tomorrow

Fighting Fair Guidelines

Most couples will and do have disagreements and conflicts that may lead to a "fight." When, where, why and especially HOW to fight are major relationship breakers. What follows are what to do and what not to do. Tina B. Tessina, Phd. wrote about this subject matter on Yahoo personals yesterday. I have liberally "borrowed " from Dr. Tessina for your edification.
1- The point is to reach a satisfactory solution, not to win. If you win and they lose....you lose.
2- Don't think you can read their mind. Ask instead. It's not worth it if you're wrong.
3- Don't rehash old problems. Concentrate on solving this one. No dredging.
4- K.I.S.S. method; keep it simple stupid. State the problem, suggest some alternatives then choose the best solution together.
5- Don't dominate. It's a dialogue, not a monologue. Keep it to two or three sentences.
6- Give adequate chances for them to respond.Suggest solutions if they have no ready solution.
7- Practice equality. If it's something that is important for one, it inevitably will be for both.
8- Ask and answer questions honestly and directly.
To be continued tomorrow

The 3 Major Online Dating Groups

Basically most of the types of people who are looking for love on the Internet fall into three major categories, they are are either: safe, shy, or shady.
The "safe" are basically a nice group of people who are just looking just in case they might find love online. It's probably not the only place they are looking, just one of many forums. It give them a leisurely way of finding an online "buddy" who you can get to be a pen pal with first. It's a nice safe haven for a "nice, safe" single looking for love.
The "shy" type usually go online because they find it easier to communicate in a much less confrontational manner than meeting in person and be totally unprepared. You can get to know somebody before they get to judge you. By the time you get to the date, your meet and greet is much easier.
The "shady" people are just that, "shady". They are the cheaters, deadbeats, liers, and mixed bag of misfits.Their profiles are usually full of lies and embellishments. Their so called "current" photo is very old or not even them. Their job, car, fun hobbies are usually what they think you want to see and hear. Look for "Red Flags" and lose their number.

3 Online Dating Major Turnoffs...For Me

In real life face to face dating there are some factors that are important;conversation skills, looks, personality, job, etc. But online, there are three factors that are real turnoffs for me:

1- You can tell a lot about a person by how they spell. Spelling says a lot about intelligence. You can tell a lot about a person by the way they spell and their vocabulary skills. Not typos. We all make occasional typos even in an important showcase like an online profile. Bad spelling and bad grammar..bye-bye.

2- You also can tell a lot about a person by the way they write. You can tell personality traits such as apprehension and shyness in some and confidence in others.

3- The final turnoff to me is the photo(s) submitted. If your photo doesn't show you at your best and your neatest then my mind says "whoops, this is a non-caring, non-smiling, slob."

Heading for Break-Up? Some Red Flags to look for

1- Emotional disappearing act. Are you being ignored? Is there emotional neglect? Tuning out? Bad body language like folded arms, ignoring you, no touching or affection.

2- Tit for tat fighting. Rather than each of you trying to mitigate problems, the mutual name calling evolves into throwing things, threats and worse. Emotional wounds take a long time to heal. The best cure is not allow yourself to get "hot." An angry person is usually unreasonable.

3- Take responsibility, quickly apologize and discuss both of you trying harder next time not to fight, but if it happens, remember to fight fairly. Simple changes in better communication skills and conversational tone can help keep the relationship in tact.

When is it Time to Move In?

Is shacking up in the cards for you? Here are some suggestions:
1- Make sure you know all about them and their family: mental illness? addiction? baggage? 2- What about their close friends? arrests? prison records? plus the three in #1 above.
3- Who is going to clean what?
4- Any children? If so, discuss custody and visitation and get to know the children.
5- Meet the ex. Any restraining orders? Any psychological problems?
6- Who will pay for what? Will there be a joint account? How much does each contribute?
7- Who is responsible for what? Social life arrangements? meals? vacations? household chores?
8- Timing of visits to and from family and friends.

The Wise Women Men Adore

Most men want to be bewitched, possessed, lured , finessed, and seduced by a woman. Men would give almost anything to a woman who simply makes him always feel good. It's not what you may think. It's not hours of sexual Kama Sutra or perfectly delicious home cooked meals that does it. Seduction is over 98% mental skills. Don't compete with him and know when to defer and allow him to be your hero.
Remember, if you want your man to treat you like a Queen, first you must treat him like a King.

6 Disastrous Dating Behaviors by Women

1- Too clingy and possessive
2- Always soliciting for compliments
3- Pushing her friends on him
4- Trash talking other women
5- Trash talking your ex.
6- General paranoia. What were you doing? Where were you? Who were you with?

Be cool, be calm, be confident.....and you'll be successful!!!!!!

The Pro's and Con's of Settling

I have interviewed hundreds of 30 and 40-something single women who are still holding out for " Mr. Right and to find true love."Lori Gottlieb in The Atlantic Monthly said to settle. "Don't nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling 'Bravo' in movie theatres. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go." So forget about the mythical "Mr. Right." Set your sights on Mr. Good Enough." But on the other hand....
Many other women have told me that they "will never settle." They don't accept the fact that they're naively idealistic to want an "intense connection with their soul mate." Because of their "passion needed in the relationship" goal, they will readily rationalize the fact that if they want a child they will do so with a sperm donor or adoption without emotional, financial, or logistical support. At this point in their lives they absolutely will not settle, but as we all know, most things change and perhaps their future will include "Mr. Good Enough."

5 Best Ways to Pick Someone Up at a Party

1- Hang out at the food or drink table because that's where most people congregate.
2-See every person not necessary as a future spouse, or lover, or even a date, but as a networking connection.
3- Initiate conversation. Just hay Hi. Smile. Remember seemingly dull people may just be shy.
4- Find common ground to talk about. Who invited them to the party, whom do they know, who brought them, discuss people you both have in common.
5- Talk mostly about them, not yourself. It's a great way to get to know them and protects you from dominating the conversation or bragging.

6 Ways to Ruin a Relationship

1- Checking into their massages and e-mails. Some have steamed open their mates mail.
2- Lying.The rock solid foundation of any good relationship is telling the truth. If you are caught in a lie, you'll lose credibility and no relationship can survive loss of trust.
3- Snooping. Checking into their drawers, looking at their records, their diary, their wallet, etc.
4- Become a private investigator. Trying to catch them"in the act."Following them to their place of work, their gym, their home( if you live apart), to see if they arrive or leave with an attractive stranger. If you get caught spying, they no longer will trust you. Is it worth the risk?
5- Sending others to check them out. A person your mate doesn't know can snoop undetected. Listening to them in a public place like a bar or restaurant.That person then has "something" on you. It's like sharing a secret. The only safe secret is one only you know.
6- Constantly checking up on them with paranoid or obsessive behavior. Calling regularly to "check in" is fine but calling incessantly will drive them away. It's controlling and lacking in trust.

No matter how much love exists in your relationship, it cannot survive without trust.

Why Men Don't Propose

1- Men don't hear the clock ticking the way women do. Not only the relationship clock but the biological clock.
2- Men dread the "BIG' Day. Just the way BIG panicked in the movie version of Sex in the City, many men can't handle the three ring circus surrounding the big event. All the details to deal with, all the pressure from her side of the family, all the kidding from his friends become over whelming.
3- The desire to be more prepared. Many men ask themselves, "Am I really ready to do this now?" They think that if they can wait a few more months (or years) they'll REALLY be sure and ready to commit.
4- They fear the proposal moment. What if she says no? Should I do it at the ball park or at a public event? If I do it the old fashioned way she'll think I'm not very creative.

Gals, if he hasn't yet proposed and you think it's time, then propose yourself. It's unique, but it's been done before. It will generate lots of dialogue no matter what his answer may be.

Seniors Looking for Love and Relationships

Now that people are living longer, changing attitudes, and the ease of finding love online, more senior citizens are dating than ever before. Older Americans, in fact, are now the fastest-growing group of couples living together out of wedlock; of the 10.5 million cohabiting couples in 2006, more than 17 percent were over 50, compared with 13.2 percent just six years ago. "It's like I'm a kid," said a local widow, 85, who has been dating an 83 year old widower. "When I'm with him, I'm caring for him, and when I'm not with him, I'm thinking about him."
A recent issue of AARP the magazine, quoted Jack Nicholson who said, and I'm paraphrasing, "I guess I'm like most seniors, I'm looking for that one last great love."